Living with others and embracing your ‘escape’
The first few months living in a Los Angeles share house with twenty-four house mates was a blessing and a curse. The plus side? There was always someone around to vent my frustrations to, ask for support, or even collaborate with on projects. I was quickly taken out of my comfort zone and thrown into a pool of extroverts with big egos who had even bigger hearts.
However, as time went on I needed my own space, and that seemed to be the hardest thing to find since I was sharing a room with six other girls. At first, it was all fun and games, kind of like those first few days of school camp where you bond over meaningless similarities such as owning the same duvet or pillow slip. But having deep conversations, with what felt like a hundred people walking in and out of the front door each day, was difficult to maintain for this introvert.
Often I found myself taking extra long showers just to get a little more peace and quiet without questions being asked as to where I was. But still, I began to feel guilty about my need for an escape, as everyone else seemed okay with staying up late, engaging with one another in the courtyard, smoking joints, and talking about the time they witnessed an extraterrestrial phenomenon in Joshua Tree whilst on shrooms.
As months went on I got tired of having to feel the need to hide away in my bunk bed or say that I had to work late in order to avoid the Friday night dance party in the living room. I began to feel as though I was letting down these new friendships by constantly saying “no” to anything that involved talking with someone for longer than two minutes. To me, a "hey, how ya going" or "have a good day" before leaving to go to work seemed like enough socialising altogether.
Although, deep down, I knew that if I were to say “yes” to such activities with the hope of not disappointing others, I’d be the one crashing and burning.
In order to get the space I needed, I would organise solo activities that weren’t stressful, such as seeing a movie, going grocery shopping, sightseeing, or reading a book in a park. These small activities provided me with an escape. They helped me to get out of the house and allowed me to keep my brain stimulated by exploring a new city, all whilst not feeling socially overloaded by being around others back home.
By doing these independent activities I felt as though I had more energy to focus on others when I was ready to socialise again. On weekends, I was more than happy to hang out or grab a drink with my twenty-four roommates, or even bust a move during those weekly dance parties. I loved those moments. When I felt re-energised mentally, no longer did it seem like a burden to engage in group activities.
It can be difficult to cope with these new situations within foreign cities or housing situations, but always remember to embrace your escape. Yes, it’s great to make an effort and socialise with people, but understand when it's necessary to say “no”. Don’t feel guilty when you need to take some "me" time and do what helps you to re-energise. Taking time off will ultimately assist you with acclimatising to these new and exciting changes in your life.
List of very chill solo activities when you're in need of an escape:
Walking the aisles of the local pharmacy/supermarket. I don't know why, but there is something strangely therapeutic about reading the cards in the greeting card aisle.
Hike a nearby trail or go for a walk around the neighbourhood.
Go for a drive. My time in L.A. made me realise just how much I took my car for granted back home. Being able to drive anywhere and do anything on a whim. If I had a car, I would’ve been able to get out of that claustrophobic room, and go for a long drive, relaxing, and listening to a playlist.
Read a book or magazine. Pretty self explanatory.
Beach! If you're lucky enough to live near a beach that is . . . C'mon who doesn't love strolls by the seaside?
Go to the movies. My guilty pleasure is bad romcoms, and I LOVE going to the movies by myself, it means I can scoff as much popcorn into my mouth with no judgement from friends or a partner, except maybe the poor sucker who has to vacuum the floors afterwards.
Exploring local markets.
Working out at the gym. If you need to get out for an hour or two and it's dark outside, a 24hr gym is a great option. Often this is where I'll be late at night, walking aimlessly on a treadmill watching the latest episode of Married at First Sight on the monitor . . .
Taking photos outside – even if you're terrible at photography, phones these days can turn a Modigliani into a Monet at any angle.
Prepare your garden. Become that horticultural king or queen you've always wanted to be and rearrange that balcony into a garden oasis. It's so simple to buy a bunch of self-watering pots from Bunnings and then fill them with selected herbs (or vegies depending on how much space you have).
Learn an instrument. A great way to unwind and retreat to the bedroom without having to use the excuse "I'm binge watching Broad City" all the time.