Beyond Rest: A Smart Girl Guide to Combatting Burnout
‘Rest isn’t a reward for work; it’s part of the work.’
~ Leesa Renee Hall
I follow Unyoked on social media, among many other tiny homes, cabins, and shack-life abodes (most costing the equivalent of my monthly rent for a two-night stay). A critical marketing phenomenon many of these beautiful places seemed to have latched onto is the concept of rest.
You don’t have it, I don’t have it – or most certainly, we don’t have enough of it.
Hence, the need to spend our non-existent surplus income on rural cosy stays nestled in the heart of nature, because if you’re not surrounded by nature, you’re not maximising your rest.
It’s left me wondering, just when did rest become so commodified? I’m not saying that rest isn’t necessary. As a Tasmanian resident, I’m very aware of how nurturing taking time out to be surrounded by nature and having it as part and parcel of your everyday life truly is. I am one reformed city-lover. But rest used to be something we just… did.
Or rather, it’s something that the privileged of us didn’t have to think about because we simply had it. Those from less affluent backgrounds, perhaps working two or three jobs to make ends meet, would likely have thought about it much more than me. Mothers with new babies or multiple tiny humans to look after likewise think about rest more than those who’ve circumvented that little life side quest. Those with any number of mental health, neurodivergent or physical ailments that have meant rest alludes them, again, probably have rest consume their thoughts more than the average individual.
When we hear about rest in marketing circles, we’re not hearing them talk about rest to the people who really need it. They’re talking about it to those who feel it’s their right to access it, e.g. those with the funds to pay for it. If capitalism has taught us anything, it’s that we can just throw money at the things we want and get them.
Rest is no longer simply about having a duvet day to read a book, binge Netflix, or just a reminder that taking time off is okay. Rest is active, something we need to be ‘doing’. It’s touted as ‘The Cure’ for burnout, and retreats and time away from our daily grind are touted as the ultimate way to achieve rest.
As someone currently studying to start a career in psychology and mental health, this idea has got me curious. A deeper look into this phenomenon reveals that rest alone might not be the magic fix we’re told we can pay through the nose for.
Unveiling the Layers
We are all busy people. And the more we’ve tuned into how damaging being so busy in the modern world has become, the more we’ve become aware of burnout. Rest and burnout have also become inextricably intertwined. We’re burnt out because we’re so busy, so resting to overcome this is a no-brainer.
But burnout isn't a simple case of fatigue from overworking. It’s a complex interplay of emotional, psychological, and physiological factors that arise when the demands we face consistently exceed our capacity to cope. Burnout is no longer reserved for the workplace. It can rear its ugly head in our hobbies and passion projects, relationships, schooling, and parenting/caregiving responsibilities.
According to Freudenberger’s definition, there are three core components of burnout:
Depersonalisation, where you separate yourself emotionally from your work, life or activities.
A decreased sense of accomplishment, where you just keep working harder and harder for less and less sense that what you are doing is making any difference.
Emotional exhaustion. No explanation needed.
In her TED chat on the subject, Emily Nagoski advises that burnout for men tends to manifest more as depersonalisation and, for women, as emotional exhaustion. Nagoski shares:
‘Anyone can experience burnout, but your specific way of experiencing it is probably going to be different, depending on who you are.’
Excessive workload, lack of autonomy, limited social support, and the unrelenting pressure to meet high expectations are common culprits behind burnout. These factors intertwine to create a perfect storm that erodes mental and emotional resilience.
I think it’s important to point out that burnout isn’t a medical diagnosis, and it's not necessarily a mental health condition alone. I’ve heard people point to the inability to get out of bed or a sense of ambivalent loss resulting from burnout. Ambivalent loss is when something is missing, despite being present, for example, having a well-paid job that meets all your security needs but feeling no love or passion for your work and living in the sense that you’re missing something bigger for your life.
If you’re experiencing the need to stay in bed all day or wondering if your life would be better on a different path, that goes beyond burnout. Nagoski again:
‘There's a lot of overlap between burnout and lots of other experiences, including depression and anxiety and grief and rage and repressed rage. So our layperson's definition of burnout is feeling overwhelmed and exhausted by everything you have to do while still worrying that you're not doing enough.’
The Illusion of Rest
We often hear well-meaning advice to take a break, rest, and rejuvenate. While rest provides a temporary reprieve, it might not be the silver bullet for burnout we've been led to believe. The reason lies in the intricate nature of burnout itself.
Burnout doesn't just emerge from relentless work hours; it thrives on chronic stress, psychological strain, and the erosion of one's sense of accomplishment and purpose. These deep-seated issues aren't easily vanquished by a few days or months away from work.
If we acknowledge burnout as a stress response, then we need to recognise the how, what, and why of that response. Stress is a funny thing. We all experience it, and we all have micro and macro stressors in our days. I have a reactive dog, and although he is the joy of my life, the stress of something simple like taking him on a walk can derail me sometimes (walking your dog is supposed to be calming, right?!). But not walking him doesn’t solve the issue. In some instances, it can make it worse because his needs aren’t being met, and we’re not actively working on a way to address the stress or the triggers for each of us. Instead, I have to find ways to manage his reactivity and manage my stress.
By the same token, you can’t cure burnout by resting.
If the factors leading to burnout are all fundamental parts of your day – your job, parenting, carer responsibilities – you can’t just have a few days off and expect everything to improve. You have to learn how to break the stress cycle in your body. I love how Nagoski explains this:
‘One of the things I say over and over in ‘Burnout’ is that feelings are tunnels. You have to go through the darkness to get to the light at the end, right? Feelings are tunnels. Stress is a tunnel. Not that the stress is bad for you – it's getting stuck in the middle that is bad for you, never having an opportunity to take your body through the cycle.’
When we experience burnout and stop to rest, we’re effectively (to use Nagoski’s analogy) stopping in the middle of the tunnel. Your body is geared up as a response to trigger, rest can be a bandaid solution – it definitely feels good – but stress is a physical response, so to get our bodies through the cycle (and not get stuck in the burnout tunnel of doom), we need to help our body work through the physical component of stress and move it through the body. Part of this involves understanding the difference between:
Stressors: The causes of your stress, such as unmeetable goals, family issues, and financial worries.
Stress: The physiological response in your body to perceived threats (fight, flight, freeze, fawn).
Dealing with stressors doesn’t automatically resolve stress in the body. The stress cycle is that – a cycle – so to work through it, we need to understand what it looks like, what stage we’re stuck in, and ensure we’re moving ourselves through it.
In rough terms, the cycle could be broken down into three parts:
Beginning: A stressor or trigger is perceived in your day - this could be something small or significant. Your body physically responds to this.
Middle: Your body has been flooded with the physical response to stress (a racing heart, shallow breathing, sensitivity to touch, stomach upsets). This response is gearing you towards action, but typically, we can’t ‘act’ on the stressors or triggers in our day in a physical way, so we need to find another way to move this response through the body safely.
End: We need to signal to our body that we have cycled through the stress response. This could be through meditation, some deep breathing, or saying to ourselves, “We’re good, we’re safe”.
Nagoski cites movement as a key way to achieve the middle part of this cycle. You could go for a run or a walk, swim, walk your dog, hit the gym, or try Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR). Regular swimming has been a complete game-changer for me in this regard. Not only does the physical movement help my body process the physical symptoms of stress, but it’s also meditative. I feel more energised after forty pool laps or a cold ocean dip than anything else. And when the day has left me bedraggled and exhausted, dragging my sorry ass to the pool is the best way to get myself ready for the saddle again.
Human Doing Being
Addressing burnout requires a comprehensive approach that tackles the underlying causes and empowers us to regain control over our well-being.
Again, I’m not saying that rest isn’t necessary. You’re speaking to the self-titled Queen of Afternoon Naps, and I fully believe in taking time away for a weekend break. However, I do believe we need to separate this from the idea of ‘I-need-to-do-this-in-order-to-rest-and-combat-burnout’. Nothing ruins my sense of calm on a weekend away more than the persistent thought that this is something I ‘have’ or ‘need’ to do as a pathway to another outcome.
When it comes to stress and burnout, follow Nagoski’s advice – move your damn body!
And when it comes to the role of rest, some of the fundamental questions I’ve been working on that you might also like to consider are…
Can I rest in the ways that authentically serve me?
Can I throw out what I’m told rest ‘looks like’ and embrace what’s available and achievable for me without feeling like I’ve ‘missed out’ or that I’m failing in some unattainable way?
How can I make rest truly regenerative and accessible as a part of my everyday without feeling guilty?
How can I ensure rest doesn’t become another thing on the to-do list?
Fundamentally, rest is free in all meanings of the word. Rest is simply you being in whatever way that works for you.
‘The antidote to exhaustion is not necessarily rest. It is wholeheartedness’ – David Whyte.
ELAINE CHENNATT is a writer, educator and psychologist-in-training, currently residing in nipaluna, lutruwita. She is fascinated by the ways we learn from our experiences to become more authentic versions of ourselves and the power of storytelling. You can find more of her words online at wordswithelaine.com